


Never Get Your Period During Assassin Camp

by Hollow_Whisperings



Series: The fem!Bruce Verse [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Superman (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Gen, Hot Springs, Multi, Survival Training, The League of Assassins - Freeform, clark's mother is going to murder him, it's raining men - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 05:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5528381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hollow_Whisperings/pseuds/Hollow_Whisperings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce just wanted to bathe as quickly as possible so she could stop being naked on a mountaintop.</p><p>Clark just wanted to make a snow angel on Mount Everest.</p><p>Now Clark's mother is going to kill him (if he doesn't die of embarrassment first) and Bruce is wondering if the stress has finally got to her and she's started hallucinating attractive Southerners to cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Apparently It's Now Raining Kryptonians

The first time Bruce Wayne met Clark Kent was not the first time the two met.

Nor was the first time Superman met Batman the first time the two met.

Not even the horrifically awkward first meeting of Ms Wayne and Superman qualified as their first meeting.

No, the first time either met the other was an even _more_ awkward encounter between a young woman interning with the League of Assassins and a young man playing tourist.

 

Mid-way through her training with the League of Assassins (under the guise of a young man named "Tony" - a nickname she remembered briefly trying out in her private school days), Bruce had found herself training with the handful of surviving recruits - "Ghuls" - somewhere in the depths of the Himalayan mountains. At first the group - two women (not including Bruce), four men (including "Tony") and one person who merely raised their eyebrows when questioned - had dutifully arisen at sunrise each day to strip and go through the various exercises and mediations they had been drilled in. Three days in and it had been unanimously decided that just surviving alone in the harsh wilderness with its unforgiving climate was training enough and what precious hours they could spare when not hunting, foraging or staying warm should be used for sleep. 

With that - and the freezing wind - in mind, most members of the group had simply gone without bathing in the two weeks they had spent here. Bruce was the only Ghul to have continued the daily bathing ritual the trainees had been encouraged to practice (though even she was not quite deranged enough to risk sparring naked on a Tibetan mountaintop). Given the whistles of respect she got from her fellow campers, Bruce decided to let them think her disciplined or masochistic rather than the victim of a rather heavy period that month.

Not wanting to go through the respectful silence the others held whenever Bruce made her way to the mountain spring,Bruce slipped out from the small camp the Ghuls had made with only a quick exchange with Tal. Bruce had no wish to force a group of would-be assassins into splitting into search parties for her, after all.

Steeling herself, Bruce checked her surroundings for unstable rocks and other dangers before removing her furred layers as quickly as she could bear. Any hesitation and she wouldn't get any bathing done at all. Finally, Bruce stood shivering, swearing and mostly naked. She washed herself quickly with the spring water before actually entering the spring - a habit she had gotten into during her last stay in Japan. 

Upon entering the spring, which was much warmer than it looked (not that she would let the other Ghuls know), Bruce let out a sigh of true contentedness. She tried not to consider how very sexual it sounded. Living in such close quarters with very physically fit young people meant that just about everyone knew what everyone else sounded. Bruce who was pretending to be a shy man named Tony had not allowed herself to indulge in such things even on those rare occasion where she felt interested. Besides, while the spring was warm she really didn't want to spend more time naked on a mountaintop than she needed to.

And then a man dropped out of the sky.


	2. Clark's Unfortunate Erection

Clark was feeling confident. He could do this! He had always wanted to see if he could. He'd diligently done the appropriate tests beforehand to make sure that doing this wouldn't kill or severely maim him and his mother had even given her blessing.

Clark could totally fly over the Himalayan ranges.

He'd been in China (having flown in via the usual plane method) for about a year, ostensibly on a gap year before his internship with the Daily Planet. Really, Clark was using this year to really see what he could do with his alien powers. After so many years holding back, never really getting to experiment or see what his limits were, Clark had finally been given the go by his parents. 

When not looking for remote locations in which to safely goof off, er, _practise_ without accidentally killing anyone Clark spent his time trying to do good where he could. Nudging a fishing ship out of the way of an iceberg. Quietly returning a lost lamb to its herd. Startling poachers mid-aim with sudden snowstorms and using the ensuing chaos to bend all their gear in half...

But today was something just for him! A bit for his mother (who has joked about getting a snowball from Mount Everest as a souvenir). Mostly for himself though. He'd always thought it would be cool to make a snow angel on the tallest mountain in the world (well, other than that one that was in the ocean somewhere).

And all had been going well! Clark had been on top of the world (quite literally given that he was flying), giggling through clouds, catching rain on his tongue just before it crystalised into snowflakes...

And then he had accidentally heard a woman sigh with pleasure and promptly startled himself enough to halt mid-flight.

He really hadn't expected to fall so quickly.

Or to land in a hot spring

A hot spring with a _very naked young woman in it_.

 _My mother is going to kill me,_ Clark thought as he tried desperately to look anywhere but at the beautiful, _beautiful_ young woma- 

_gosh, she's got more muscles than a- my mother is going to kill me_

\- even as he struggled, stammering worse than he had when he'd tried to ask Lana if she wanted to get a milkshake sometime, to make a coherent apology to the very beautiful, very _wet_ , very _naked_ young woman in front of him.

At which point Clark idly realised that, not only had his clothes shredded themselves during his uncontrolled descent, his face wasn't the only thing with blood rushing to it.

_My mother is going to kill me._


	3. No, I Don't Come Here Often

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the whole situation being awfully reminiscent of a bad porno, two attractive young naked people end up having a polite conversation before definitely-not-fleeing from the scene.

Bruce looked at the naked young man who had fell from the sky and into her bath.

He did not appear to be hurt.

He was very red. Possibly from windburn. Or the sudden change from cold air to hot hot.

He appeared to be attempting to apologise for interrupting her bath. In English. With a Southern accent? No, Bruce was mistaken. That was definitely Midwestern. 

He was very attractive. Big blue eyes. Plenty of shoulder muscle. Boyish curls in a windblown mane of black hair.

Didn't appear to have shaved in a while. His beard was full enough to reassure Bruce that the naked young man was not a naked young boy.

Bruce tried not to think about how the man had fallen from the sky without any ill effects whatsoever.

Must have realised he was falling and slowed his descent before he crashed. Very considerate. There would have been quite the dearth of hot spring to hide- keep warm in - otherwise.

"Hello, strange man who fell out of the sky."

The midwestern hallucination managed to croak a strangled greeting in between furiously averting his gaze and stammering apologies.

"Always nice to run into a fellow American when travelling."

The hallucination tried to nod, found doing so gave him a full view of Bruce's breasts, gave up and agreed. Bruce politely did not comment on how the man's voice seemed to jump up an octave every other word.

"Don't suppose you've ever been to Japan? Lovely country. Quite the culture around hot springs."

Between hysterical babbling and the occasional whimper (which Bruce determinedly ignored because it would be impolite to respond), the midwestern hallucination managed something along the lines of, "No, not yet but I hear amazing things about their public transportation system."

"Well, it has been very good to chat with you, Mr Hallucination, but the other assassin-interns will probably be wondering after me now so I had better get going. Also it is really fucking cold. Do take care. Goodbye now."

The hallucination very politely turned away as Bruce left the spring and remained with his very nice backside to her until she had dressed in all her layers and left without looking back.

Upon hearing the young woman's exit from the area, Clark groaned and sunk himself below the waters of the hot spring in an effort to hide himself from the world.

His mother was going to kill him.


End file.
